


Shadowing of the Sun

by iseult1124



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Can be read as gen, M/M, POV First Person, SPOILERS FOR STID, THAT scene in STID
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-23
Updated: 2014-01-23
Packaged: 2018-01-09 18:57:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1149611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iseult1124/pseuds/iseult1124
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eclipses are only temporary...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shadowing of the Sun

Numb.

That’s the only way to describe what I’m feeling.

Stunned disbelief.

I’m a doctor; a damn good one. No one can afford for my brain to stop working, my thoughts derailed. A moment’s hesitation could be the matter of life and death.

And yet there’s nothing. Not even sound. It’s like my ears are stuffed with cotton.

I’m a man of science, of observation, and all of that training, so ingrained as to be second nature, is failing me. I cannot comprehend what I am seeing.

He’s so still.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this quiet, contained. It’s not just his tendency to frequently twitch and shift in the Chair, when he’s actually sitting, like he can’t quite get comfortable. Its not even his inability to sleep quietly - and Lord did all the tossing and turning take getting used to; sleep is meant to be peaceful. It’s his brain, always assessing, intelligence burning in those bright blue eyes. He’s always brimming with energy, making him look like he’s moving even when he isn’t.

 _Was_ brimming with energy.

I just saw him; he was alive and well – relatively speaking. Admittedly things went to hell shortly after, but he was just here…

I can’t fix this. He’s crossed that one line that’s beyond my reach. Our orbits have been knocked out of alignment; and his has stopped completely.

That thought no sooner finishes and I break. I feel like I’ve been punched in the gut, yet no one has touched me.

The numbness is gone, and in its wake lies grief.

I can’t afford grief either; there are patients who need my attention. People I can still help.

Jim is beyond my help now.

One more minute. I’ll give myself one more minute to grieve, and then get out of this chair I somehow find myself in and get back to work…

 

 

 

There’s a soft sound to my left.

 

The clock restarts and my ears clear.

What felt like hours has only been moments.

Disbelief returns, but it’s no longer disbelief that Jim’s dead.

It’s disbelief that the answer is staring me in the face. Cooing.

My heart starts pounding.

_I can fix this._

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to [slashsailing](http://archiveofourown.org/users/slashsailing/pseuds/slashsailing/) and [kipster92](http://archiveofourown.org/users/kipster92/pseuds/kipster92/) for their encouragement and suggestions (right on down to the title). Not only has it been at least 15 years since I last tried to write something that wasn’t academic in any way, but this is also the first time I’ve wanted to share it.


End file.
